If a grandfather wanted to tell his children and grandchildren something about what he had learned about family, how would he do it?

Pennies

If he is a former priest and author, he writes a book.

And, that is what Marvin Josaitis, PhD, did. He wrote a memoir.

How Did He Do It?

What if you wanted to write a memoir to pass on the lessons you have learned?

How would you go about it?

Reading Dr. Josaitis’s book will give you a model for how it can be done well.

How Do You Integrate All the Stories?

Inevitably, there will be scores of family stories you want to tell. But, it is also likely you are telling each story as part of a lesson you would like to share.

How do you do this without sounding too preachy?

How do you do this so it is fun and interesting to read about the time and the family members while still passing on the lesson you think is important?

Let me give you an example of how Josaitis does it, by describing the day his father took him to pay respects on Henry Ford’s death.

Though Josaitis’ father worked as a meat cutter at Kroger all his career, his grandfather, a Lithuanian immigrant and high school drop-out, worked in maintenance at Ford, for the “now famous five dollars a day.”

Perhaps one of my greatest kaleideoscope memories came as a young boy of five on a cold, early April evening in 1947. Henry Ford had just died. Henry Ford’s company had provided employment for my grandfather. So my Dad wanted my brother and me to be with him as he paid his respects to this giant of Detroit and American history, in his mind, the only person – other than FDR – who made life possible for his parents and himself. He held my twelve-year-old brother’s hand and alternated holding mine with holding me in his arms so that the three of us in an interminably long line at the Dearborn Rotunda could pass by the bier of this industrial scion. I remember his telling me how important this man was to us. I’ve never forgotten the lesson of fidelity in this simple gesture of my father with his two sons.

How Do You Pick an Arc That Anticipates the Timeline of Your Memoir?

Josaitis does several things to hold the reader’s attention through to the end of his story.

He tells the stories in order by when they happened. Thus, he starts with his family roots by talking about how his Lithuanian grandparents came to America and finishes by talking about his grandchildren.

But, he also uses a story about how his mother was always checking for loose pennies on the ground. For instance, he tells us that when he came home after a mile walk from school, his mother asked him if he’d found any pennies on the way.

Then, he uses the search for hidden treasure as a metaphor for life as he realizes that he has found many pennies in his life, the hidden treasures of family moments.

How Do You “Make Family”?

Josaitis is keenly aware that to knit a family together, especially in his case where corporate moves uprooted the family often, you have to work at it. This is what he calls, “making family.”

In addition to the many shared family sports they played, making shared memories like fishing at the lake, sitting down to Sunday dinners together, the one-on-one time with each child, the shared rejoicing in each others’ triumphs, he reveals a powerful technique for making family – ritual.

For instance, Josaitis and his wife built a ritual around celebrating each wedding anniversary alone together. Each year, at dinner, they recited the names of all the restaurants and the meals that had gone before on each of their earlier anniversaries.

Josaitis’ wife started a tradition around her mother’s wedding dress which she wore for her wedding and her daughter wore, celebrating the third generation wedding.

Josaitis has also made a ritual of letters.

Josaitis wrote his wife on the birth of their first child.

“Dear Mommy, Since I’m already three days old, I thought it about time we have some ‘girl talk.’”

When his second daughter was born, it was his wife’s turn to write him a letter, as though from their newborn daughter.

With their third child, a boy, he wrote his son a letter the day after he was born.

Twenty-five years later, each of his children wrote him letters on his 60th birthday, revisiting their memories of growing up and his place in their lives.

His son remembered that, as a young boy, his parents stayed up with him all night in the hospital. Then,  right before he was sedated for surgery to get his tonsils out, his Dad sang him “Lollipops and Popsicles.”

Stories, tied together by time and the life lessons they are meant to reveal.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Josaitis yesterday morning. I asked him about the techniques he used to write this warm memoir, filled with stories of growing up and watching his children grow. Please share my delight in hearing how this beautiful book came about.

Click here to listen to my interview with Marvin Josaitis, author of Pennies from a Heav’n: The Joy of Making Family.

Have you started writing down the stories you want your grandchildren to know?

How far back do your stories go? Your parents? Your grandparents?

Do you have a favorite story from your childhood that has served as a life lesson?

To you and keeping your memories for your grandchildren.

Click here to order Josaitis’ book, “Pennies From a Heav’n: The Joy of Making Family” from amazon.

Carol Covin, Granny-Guru

Click here to order Covin’s “Who Gets to Name Grandma? The Wisdom of Mothers and Grandmothers” from amazon.

http://newgrandmas.com

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